After fighting with myself with my “challenging” client, I have come to a different position: what this client wants is for me to be a sort of consultant, and I was really reacting negatively to this. Last week we had a session where I spoke of my experience as a business owner, of the path I took, of the different difficulties that business owners go through, and at the end she said: Again, I learned a lot from you, why can’t all the sessions be like this?
Of course, I feel we did not advance much in the way of her agreeing to do specific field work, but I did notice a bit of less resistance to do so. And I wonder whether, if we continued this way for a while, it would be easier for her to actually get around to doing it.
The issue is, naturally, that we are both students in an academic situation, and we are both supposed to know what is expected of us in this peer-client work. And I believe that if I suggested to her that we drop it, and to please give me an evaluation as if we had done the 12 sessions, she would do it (there was a point at which she was really saying things like: we still have xxx sessions? I was hoping there were less!). But I do not want to do that, and I have made enough noise in several classes about this to ensure that now I will not even be tempted to do it!
At any rate, one of the clearest benefits I am getting from this is living a situation where I am getting resistances from the client, without being able to drop her, at least not without paying a relatively high price. And how to make the best of this.
So, when a client wants mostly consulting, what should we do? Actually, in my real world coaching practice, I offer a mix of consulting and coaching without calling it consulting. It’s just that it seems difficult to offer business coaching without some sort of consulting or directives: a book to read, some activities to do, etc. And the activities are not what the client came up with (it might take a few months before the client comes up with something like: defining my services from the point of view of the client, and focusing on pains with emotional content). I even have a sort of path that I use as a guide. How much more directive can I get?
With my peer client, however, the issue was not just that I was being directive, but rather that she would not do what I had suggested (and she had agreed to) as field work, so perhaps I was being too directive and not letting her come up with her own ideas. It’s true that she always rather I speak than her, but there is something here different than just not doing field work.
I still do not know what it is. I do know that until now I wished the problem would go away. Right now, I rather think that it is here for a reason, which I still have not figured out.
