Goal Setting — success

Last month I started to work on the Design your Life program. To begin with, after going through the initial reflection on what it is that I would like to achieve, I started in the area where I think I have more possibilities of success: self-care.

I set up a few goals: go back to swimming regularly, incorporate massages into my life, take up horseback riding again, among others. After reviewing the Goal Setting module, I just realised how much I have learned, by how I went about it.

For instance, for the swimming goal, I set up a series of small goals: find out swimming pool schedule by this date, buy a 10 visit ticket by this other date. Go swimming ONCE this week. Swim once a week by this date. Swim twice in this week, etc. And I just managed to do it. In 6 weeks, I am swimming twice a week for the last 3 weeks, and now need to look for another structure: a swimming buddy. But it worked perfectly.

I went about it in a similar fashion with horseback riding and massage: first look for a place (by a date), then call to set up an appointment (by a certain date), etc. So, by this time I have incorporated all these three (positive) habits into my daily life.

Now other less immediate things await. But equally, if not more, important. One of them is my ICA journey objective: to graduate in December 08. I need to start planning for the different milestones to take place. By now mostly coaching and preparing the R&D part: coaching model, research paper, power tool.

Another is to broach a long standing issue in personal relationships. Here the challenge is even being able to formulate a goal, and then try to turn it into a SMART goal… We will see. At any rate: challenge for this week: identify the ICA milestones and set dates. This will bring out the Design your Life document again….

 

Powerful Request or A bit Pushy?

This week, I had a very strong experience during a “trial” session with a possible peer client, I noticed that there was a sort of “knot” in which several things seemed to be stuck in a sort of chain. She could not do A, because of B; and she could not do B, because of C; and she could not do C, because of D. You know what I mean?

So, I asked a bit, and (without realising it) decided that this was something that just needed a bit of prodding. I asked the client if she was willing to commit to doing D, and she said yes. I asked “By when could you do this?”, she said “in a couple of days, but I can’t do it because of A”… Ok, at this stage, I should have noticed that the issue was really somewhere else (close to A). Instead I said “Ok, let’s forget about A for now, and concentrate on D. Can you commit to doing it this week?” “Yes, of course”.

I continued, “Ok, what about C? Do you think you can then do C?”. “Yes, I would, but I can’t because of A”… and so on. Well, we got to actually committing to doing A… At the end of the session, I had the feeling that it had been quite heavy going, but that she had managed to see that all of the issues that were keeping her stuck where things she could do in a couple of days, without much investment of time.

A couple of days later I got an email from her saying that, while she liked my style, she thought I had been very “pushy” and she did not want to be pushed or shoved into the “unknown”… So, here we have it: I feeling that we had managed to move forward, and out of the “stuckness”, and the client feeling that she had been pushed into a place she did not want to go.

What could I have done better? For one, there was obviously an issue with A, and I just skipped right over it. Didn’t see it. Too busy being a great coach! This could not really be the issue, could it? All it would take is… That is to say, I judged the situation according to my criteria, to how difficult I think it should be (or how difficult this would have been for me).

Another thing is that I wanted to change something. I wanted to create movement. I wanted to do it right! So, with all that, it is no wonder that I missed what was happening.

So, I was really NOT listening. At least, not in a non-doing, non-judgemental, non-whishing way.

Listening, the ONE thing to do in coaching. The MOST important thing in coaching. I thought Powerful Requests, were one of the strongest tools in coaching… and they are. But if I am not listening, they will be out of place.

The client is THE ONE who knows.

Peer Coaching

This week I had my last “compulsory” coaching session with a peer client.

Twelve weeks ago, when we started, I decided to take on a part of my development that had been lagging behind for ever, or almost. A part that had resisted intact many years of siege by analysis. And, although there is still a great difference in the amount of freedom and choice I have in this area, compared to other areas, everything has moved forward, thanks to my coach’s patience, sensitivity and caring. And of course, thanks to her coaching skills.

My life will be different from now on. Thank you DeeDee.

I am also thankful for the wonderful opportunity that this peer coaching system brings to us in our journey to “coachingness”. And what a journey it is.

Coaching Process

This past week I took the final class in the Coaching Process module. I had taken the three others with another trainer, but missed this one. It’s incredible what a difference the teleclass leader makes, even if they hardly “teach” in the convencional sense of the word. It’s almost as if I could take any module over and over, with different leaders, and different students. Just one module… I would eventually probably get through all of the issues, tools, models, etc. of ICA

This month is a transition month for me. I have decided to dedicate it to finish up Power Tools and AC100 modules, do the homework, post it, do the reflections, etc. I have been going a bit too fast, taking an average of 6 classes a week, but with little time to think about this in between sessions.

When I revisit a module to re-read my course notes and move them to Word, at times the subject seems very remote. Other times, I get moved again by recollections of what the class was like. And of course, one of the most powerful tools is actually doing the reflections and posting them, mostly for what it has of walking the talk, of living and embodying what you believe in.